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| Tuesday, April 04, 2006 |
| Pasta and dental hygiene. |
I've been having some really surreal conversations lately.
So I was at Giant Supermarket the other day, buying stuff to cook. Yes I cook nowadays. I am domesticated. What is this world coming too?? Soon I'll be cleaning my room without anyone yelling at me to do so. And later, I'll actually arrange the shoes on the rack. NOOOOOOOOO
ahem.
So back to Giant. I had a can of tomato soup in my oh-so-metro green shopping basket along with some cheese and bacon. And this totally random aunty behind me tapped me on the elbow and asked, in Cantonese;
"Can you just eat it like that?" (indicating tomato soup)
"Can can, but I'm not doing that," I said, after taking a step back and recovering from the shock of being addresed so directly.
"Oh so what are you doing with it?"
I was tempted to say I was a famous artist and I've been commissioned by the government to build a sculpture entirely out of used soup cans to reflect modern-day over-commercialization and the loss of our national identity, but I didn't know how to say that in Cantonese.
"I'm putting the cheese and bacon inside and..."
*at this point her aunty shopping kaki friend butted in*
"This brand not so nice warn. man-man tei only"
"Yes, but I'm not eating it just like that so it's ok"
"Oh so how are you cooking it?" said the conversation-initializing aunty, determined to find out why a bracing young lad such as myself was holding a can of tomato soup in a green metrosexual shopping basket, when he should be out flirting with bracing young lasses and making sexist jokes with other bracing young lads.
I decided that the truth would be best. Besides, I can't lie convincingly in Cantonese. And I was still off-balance from the aunty's persistence.
"I'm making pasta"
*they stare at me blankly. I mime frying chow mein in hopes that they understand that it's a type of noodle.*
"PAS-TAH-AH"
Then it's my turn to pay and I quickly scurry away avoiding the second aunty's disapproving stare. It seems she doesn't approve of using man-man tei only tomato soup to make pas-tah-ah, if she even knows what that is.
And it hit me. Like a professional wrestler off the corner ropes. Like a 32-wheel truck hauling a solid block of concrete. Like I was standing between a blue whale and it's plankton.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT COOKING RECIPES WITH A COUPLE OF AH-SOWS.
What is happening to me??? I mourned the passing of my manly veneer as I stir-fried (with a shrit on this time) the bacon and made references to the cookbook I was using. A single tear breaking the testosterone-induced sheen (aka acne) slid from my eye and plunged daringly into the saucepan, and as I saw that I thought, "oh well, better not add so much salt. Not healthy..."
Another day I was doing the dishes with my dad. All of a sudden he asks me;
"Boy do you take care of your teeth?"
?
"uh. What do you mean?"
"I mean do you take care of your teeth. Do you floss or not?"
"er. Yeah..."
"Cause it's important you know. I had gingivitis when I was younger, and only after I started flossing and brushing regularly it went away"
"er. ok, pa..."
I WAS TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL DENTAL HYGIENE WITH MY DAD.
Ok so you're going "what's so weird or surreal about that?" But take a moment to consider, he usually doesn't even bother to acknowledge that I exist, only grunting occasionally from behind his newpaper when I ask for money. It was an extremely surreal conversation cause it's not as if we were at the dentist or I had fish breath or something you know? If we were, or I did, then it would be ok, expected even, but we weren't, and I don't, so it was just plain w-e-i-r-d. I DON'T have fish breath ok. Stop saying I probably don't notice it. I doN'T. Have fish breath that is, not not notice that I do have it.
Plus it was completely out of the blue. If you want to talk to someone but don't know what to say, you go "nice weather eh" or "how was your day?" or something. NOT "eh do you brush your teeth?"
Imagine being on a hot date. It's getting uncomfortable cause you're running out of things to say to her. She's looking bored. You've tried family, food, philosophy and she still looks like she's wasting her time. You're not exactly going to go, "so... brushed your teeth lately?" now ARE YOU???
I left the kitchen feeling very very confused. Like, "wha...?"
Talk about throwing me off balance. |
posted by theycallmecruel @ 8:39 PM  |
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wheeeeeeeeeee
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