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| Monday, December 10, 2007 |
| the HNR |
So.
NYC. Week one. That's right, ze big apple. It looks just like the movies. And the people are just as nasty. But! *frank sinatra in background* I really really really wouldn't mind practicing here at all. Definitely better than kampung Halifax. Once a big city boy, always a big city boy.
I really liked Manc. I really, really, really liked London. But I'm friggin' in love with NYC. And that's being said with not knowing anyone. Kinda says something. We'll see if I feel the same by the time I leave.
In the mean time though let me mention the HNR - harmless nutjob roommate. I found her on the craigslist, and as hers was the cheapest place on offer, I took it up. It was only for a month, and the place looked clean. She sounded perfectly sane and normal in our correspondence. Little did I know...
Here are two excerpts from the emails she's been sending to me while at work. Yes, while at work.
"Best secret to save money on overpriced deoderant (b/c it all has the same active ingredient) is to buy 1 lemon every 2wks, cut it in 1/2 and wipe under your arms- this kills any odor and most of the time I am dry or if I sweat, it's minor and ok b/c it's healthy drainage for toxins but with no odor. "
"If you get tired, drink 6oz of water at work - that should feed your brain cells and wake you up a bit. I also have sippy thermoses that you can store juice in rather than spending $2 every time your thirsty. 48oz-64oz of juice is $4.69 so it makes economical sense to buy juice and transfer into thermos for work. If you mix juice with water, you not only protect your teeth from too much natural sugar, the juice lasts a long time. I buy 2 48oz juices per month and dilute with reverse osmosis water (distilled water which is the most safest on earth). keep food in your coat pockets and nipple throughout the day.
Nipple throughout the day, it seems. She starts most conversations with "i read it on the internet..." Yes, cause everything on the internet is true and can be trusted. She spends long hours telling me to eat this type of bread and drink this type of water and cook with this type of oil to prolong life expectancy. She spent 30 mins telling me how Jesus didn't die on the cross (he just pretended *shrug the nails through the hands and spear in the side kinda convinces me*), is actually French, had 4 kids and spent 10 years of his childhood in India.
And the worst part? I was standing in the bathroom door really needing to excrete, and she didn't get the hint and just continued talking. How do you politely close the door to take a dump while someone is looking at you and talking and talking and talking?
Quite the nutjob, but I have yet to find decapitated goats heads lying around. Or seen her berkangkang over the bread. So overall harmless. I think. I hope. For now. *looks over shoulder*
It's only for a month with the HNR, I tell myself. Again and again. And again. And then again.
This would be the first and last time I find another roommate on the craigslist.
But NYC!! gasp gasp.
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posted by theycallmecruel @ 11:04 AM  |
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wheeeeeeeeeee
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