this is a coconut shell, and i am it's frog

Monday, July 06, 2009
it's been so long
that i don't know how to start anymore. so much has happened that this can no longer be called a web log. more like... a web once in a while publication. a web oiawp.

a boiawp. welcome to the world's first boiawp(tm).

but as it is, it's 5am, july the 6th, 2009, i cannot sleep, there's no one i can talk to at this time, i couldn't be bothered to read, therefore my one recluse is this - writing.

i used to write a lot.
scripts, dramas, poems, articles, etc. people used to find it interesting that i wrote a lot. i revelled in the fact that they underestimated me, and that i trumped their misconceptions. ego trip, yo.

back when i started this blog, i started with but one charter - to entertain.
there were so many blogs out there that were self-indulgent-woe-is-me-/wrists that i, in my eternal desire to stand out, swore i wouldn't descend to.
then those foodie look-at-me-i'm-a-connousieur blogs started popping out. meH. such pretentious know it alls, i thought. who the hell cares about what you think about random hawker stall #34547??
then there are those that are genuine journals, "i woke up this morning and had coffee instead of tea" things that, for all intents and purposes, should never be on the internet. i mean, come on, who cares? then again, there are many things that should never be on the internet. but such thoroughly boring personal details should be kept, well, personal. good for you that you keep such detailed records of your day, but do you really want the world to know at what time you had a bowel movement?


i think slartibartfast is a brilliant name.

so then, to entertain! i thought. if not the public in general, then my friends will suffice. so i started off with that in mind.

if it was about friends, to humour.
if it was opinion, to be profound.
if it was discussion, to try and see both sides of the issue.
it it was football, to be transparent.
it it was emotional, to cut deeply.
if it was intellectual, to be, well, intellectual.

but entertainment became tiresome. the m103 blogosphere, which i joined way back, had died a long, slow, drawn-out death. one that was inevitable in retrospect, as most of us got on to more important things in life (work, marriage, babies, taxes), but one that i mourn nonetheless. it WAS really funny. it became less funny as more and more of us dropped off, and an insult at one end would land no response on the other. it brought us all, far away as we were, close. but it is dead.

i realize now that we can no longer distinguish ourselves as m103. the overiding indentity we've had as a collective has gone the same way as the blogosphere. we are now islands. we can no longer rely on each other for an identity. we only have ourselves. such sad sobering thoughts. we are, growing up. we are forever bound as classmates, but the pride with which we uttered the words "m103" is now as distant as our IMU triumphs. therefore the mention of names, and the out-of-the-way-effort to make references to friends halfway across the world officially ends here.

why do i reminisce so?
maybe cause it's been a year since i graduated and i still haven't started a remotely dr-y job. i believe that i am the sole exception in this. whoopedoo.
therefore, the only memories of medicine i have are based in medschool.
which is why i reminisce so.

so i will entertain no more. if i inadvertedly entertain, then good, but entertainment will not be the sole aim of this corner of cyberspace anymore.

i need a job.

roger federer is 27, has won 15 grand slams, earned usd48million, and will probably be remembered as the greatest ever men's single's tennis player. ever.
i am 25. two years to catch up. go go go.

since entertainment is no longer the goal, i will embark on a quick summary of my last few months. be prepared for a self-indulgent-woe-is-me paragraph.

1) spent 7 months working a research job i hated
2) passed FINALLY the usmle part 1
3) broken hearts
4) had my heart broken, which lead to -
5) a chronic fear of commitment
6) decided that becoming more selfish might lead to more happiness
7) decided that being more selfish might result in less people liking me
8) haven't decided whether i care more about less people liking me, or being selfishly happy
9) had a hospital admission for asthma (ah, ye olde devile)
10) made contact with someone who calls herself "SHIT FROM BACK IN THE DAY"

i could go on but the above has been so painful to read, even to me, that i shudder to think what it would do to my legions of followers. induce seizures in some, no doubt. march, jackson, march. benzos are great at terminating seizures.

steroids are wonderful things.
the TCA cycle is the rate-limiting step to life.
i still have no idea what zero order kinetics are.

well the mosques are sounding the call to prayer. sleep has yet to tempt me.

man that was a strong latte.
posted by theycallmecruel @ 5:17 AM   2 comments

    LIFE is like a glass of coke, it may seem full but it's actually just all froth.


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ribbit Chinaman in Canada, no more. i still can't come up with a better phrase.
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